nuestra cosa
Sometimes, New Jersey
I called you up to see if maybe we could hang out and I told you I was nervous and feeling lonely, but I bit my lip and you said yes. and I thought of how beautiful the night would be. and I thought maybe we could drive around talking about your town or we could just stay at home and I could win over acting cool.
just like real romance.
The truth is of course
is that there is no journey.
We are arriving and departing
all at the same time.
—David Bowie (via palepastelgoth)
(via thevintageloserforever)
dreams over love
“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” he held her face tightly close to his face.
“I’m gonna hold you back if I stayed, you know this.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she glanced at her gate for departure.
“Are you sure you wanna do this?” He asked her as if she had a choice.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” She asked him as if he had a choice.
“This is what we need, right? I just can’t believe you’re walking away from our dream, everything we worked so hard on and you’re just going to leave?”
“We can’t talk about this now Ryan, not here at the airport.”
There they were, at Bali Denpasar international airport. Six years of saving and planning to become the scuba instructors they are today. They had plans to continue to travel the world and eventually open up their own dive shop.
“This is what you want Ryan, and its sad I know, for me to come to a realization that this isn’t what I want.”
She was living in a haze the past five years but for some reason the last few months have been a struggle for her. She wanted to go back to her home, she wanted to grow roots, she wanted to settle down. She didn’t realize till months back that she was following her boyfriend’s dream and she was only tagging along cos she was blind in love.
“I need to be happy, and as ironic as it may seem Bali isn’t my paradise, Santa Cruz is.”
He knew she was right. All this time he had doubt and all that time he was right. She was leaving him so he can follow his dream, and he was leaving her so she can follow hers.
“We worked so hard and you’re just going to quit?”
“I’m not quitting, it’s not like I want to leave you. You don’t want what I want. I want my home in Santa Cruz, I want us to go through the next step in our relationship, you don’t want that. And I’m not going to wait for you, it won’t be fair to either of us.”
“I can say the same thing you know, to get this far and walk away…”
She grabbed him tighter, “don’t say that, I’ve been by your side supporting everything you’ve wanted to accomplish. It’s my turn to get what I want….you just won’t follow.”
It was silent, it was like every noise in the airport decided to muffle its self out while she looked deep into his brown eyes.
Six and a half years.
Six and a half years of living like gypsies, traveling and never once had a moment to settle. She was tired and she wasn’t getting any younger.
It was quite the opposite for Ryan. He was doing greater things by having a set salary job while she was struggling to make ends meet.
“I don’t belong here. You do, this is your-”
He cut her off and let her go, “it was OUR dream.”
“Ryan, let’s be honest…it was always your dream, you’ve pushed me to things I thought I would never do! If it wasn’t for you I don’t even know if I would scuba, let alone be an instructor! Because of you I’m braver and more confident. You made me the person I am today. And I’m always going to love you for that. And you introduced me to Santa Cruz.”
“Which I now highly regret.”
She took his hands, “but look at us now.”
Her flight was being announced for the last passengers to board. This will be the last time they will ever see each other.
“I don’t even know when I’ll see you again,” she whispered.
He picked up her chin, “you look so beautiful right now, I’ll always remember you. Just. Like. This.”
She laughed, “my face is red and all swelled up like a punching bag?”
Their love was strong, but their dreams were stronger.
“I’m always going to love you, you know that right?” She said fighting back tears, “thank you from the bottom of my heart, I needed you in my life.”
“I feel the same.”
“Ryan….,” she was going to say that he doesn’t. That if he did, he would just let go of his wants for once and follow her, but she would never say it. She would never hold him back. And that’s what love is. It hurts, it makes you sacrifice. She knew if she stayed they would resent each other. Love is letting go, and although their love was so strong they knew deep down this would be best for both of them.
They hugged each other tightly. He stayed put while she grabbed her backpack and boarding pass and walked to her gate. She turned around for one last look and there he was, all alone with the “I love you” sign language hand up in the air. That has always been their trademark for their relationship and they will never see that again. He stayed there till she boarded and she kept looking back till she got in the plane.
Now all they can do is look forward. Look forward to her new dream. Look forward to his new adventure. Look forward to growing without each other. It was the first time they knew what love really felt like. It was an end to a loving relationship. But it was the beginning of their dreams coming true.
Dive Central Gili's PADI Women — Dive Central Gili - Gili Islands, Indonesia. 5* Dive Resort offering PADI Courses and Fun Diving. Close to Bali & Lombok
HAPPY WOMENS DIVING DAY! can’t believe just a year ago we celebrated our first annual! here’s a little info about me and the ladies I worked with in gili trawangan at the dive central gili shop! so proud to be part of this industry with such amazing women and I’m happy to work my dream job. even though I’m on a break till next summer, diving is what I live for. ps my name is under my middle name bc of working permits in Indonesia!